the rantings of a tired mother

I'm not always the most patient mother.  In fact, I'm sorry to admit that by the end of most days I'm balancing on a very thin wire.

Any mother of toddlers will understand the rush of trying to accomplish any task with a deadline while your toddler is trying to crawl between your legs and is undoubtedly calling your name every two seconds (no...really.  Every. 2. Seconds) but never responds when you ask them what they need.  Somehow you trip on the 7 different toys that they have dropped behind you, in front of you, and to the side of you as you've been working.  Often you look over just in time to see that they've pulled a chair over and are beginning to pull the knives out of the block on the counter to "help" you.  At this point, the pasta boils over on the stove, the toast is burning, and the "said child" is reaching their little hand towards the stove to once again, "help".  As you are running to save the day, the baby starts screaming.  Not crying, mind you, screaming.  As in, "I am dying".  You run in to find that their leg is caught between the slats in the crib and by this time, you figure you may as well just let the toast burn to a crisp.

If you followed all of that, you'll certainly be with me on the next point.  Forget about trying to get out the door!  I told my husband on the phone today, "well, I just need to use the restroom and get the kids in the car, so we'll be there in roughly 5-45 minutes."  Those of you without children think that I'm exaggerating.  Those of you with many children are laughing at how naive I am. (You don't need to pretend. You are all smiling, remembering that it was, indeed, hard with 2 children, but you also know that I have no idea what is coming.) What could possibly take me 45 minutes?  That could be the post that never ends, so I'll just leave it at this.

Now, for most days, this is an exagguration.  Lots of days I fly out the door with grace and organization, my temper completely in check with a huge smile on my face and lots of excitement for our task.  But not always, not today.

Sometimes I think if I trip over another toy or have my toddler chant my name one more time, Nathan is going to have to take me to the loony bin.  If I catch my daughter brushing her teeth with toilet water (true story), or reaching her hand in her dirty diaper to clean herself, or drinking all of the water that she's been using with her water color paints, or throwing blocks at the baby's head so that he can play catch with her (all so common place it shouldn't faze me at all)...I'm going to TOTALLY LOSE IT!

I think to myself so many times a day, "I'm not good at working amidst chaos.  I need order to be productive."  "If my surfaces aren't clear, I can't work"  "If I can't move, I can't be productive".  I've been thinking about how debilitating those thoughts are.  I believe the scripture that tells us that our weaknesses can become strengths (Ether 12:27).  I thought about that scripture today as I had one of these thoughts fly into my head.  I am a person who functions well with organization.  And of course, the goal is to keep my house and life as organized as possible.  But I also know that children don't fit into that mold.  If I want a house spilling with children and happiness, there will be balls flying and paper airplanes zooming.  There will ALWAYS be toys in the kitchen and dishes in the sink.  There will be laughter and tears, and fighting, and singing. And that's exactly the way I want it.

So, if I want that, then I need to start working on my weaknesses.  I want to be the mom that can function with a million different things flying around me.  I want to keep my cool when kids are screaming and I've stubbed my toe on yet another block left by the kitchen sink.  So here's to the messes that my cute little 2 give me now, so that when the 27 come (please sense sarcasm) it'll be a breeze.  (Again, sense sarcasm).

Life as a mom will never be easy, but I think that in working on things and seeing moments like this as opportunities to grow and develop new talents, it'll be easier to see the joy in the process.

Perfect on days I'm not in a hurry, frustrating when I have a mommy melt down.

Adorable. But for purposes of this post, please read, "sticky hands from sucker find a way to touch the most expensive thing in the home before I can clean them off"