Thoughts of a stressed, to-be mother

Well, here we are, week 38 of pregnancy.  I have my final two weeks of student teaching ahead of me and with that comes a few big projects and presentations before boards of people to prove that I am a competent teacher.  The only problem is...slowly, the stress of it all coming together and the "what if's" of it all are starting to pile on and I wonder, will I even be able to talk in a complete sentence when I have to defend my work?  Is it possible to explode from thinking about things too much?  I keep thinking, that's okay if she comes early, then I would actually have time to finish everything when I'm just at home with her.  HA!  I don't think so.  I'm now beginning to see that I will be even more exhausted then than I am now.

I've been so blessed to do so well and have most everything finished that I need to have done already, but reality hits fast and all the worrying about being a good mother and labor with everything that comes with it are somehow making everything else in my life seem like a bigger deal than normal.  Maybe it's the fact that I wake up in the morning thinking, "she could come today."  And all day I'm thinking, "okay, if my water breaks while I am doing this, how will I handle it?" or, "she can't come today!  I'm being observed today!" 

My doctor laughs at me because most women at this point are grabbing his lab coat and insisting he hooks them up this instant to get the child out now.  I, on the other hand, ask him with worry at each visit, "it'll still be awhile, right?"  "I need her to stay in."  At this point, she only needs to stay in until this next Friday, the 11th.  But that wouldn't really be ideal because my panel is the next Tuesday.  So maybe Tuesday night would be the best.  Either way, I am SO looking forward for my panel to be done and have everything turned in so that this churning in my stomach will stop.  It would be so wonderful to just let the baby come when she's ready and not have to stress about how I could possibly get everything else done.

Before I began student teaching, I was so worried about having the energy and strength to do all that I needed to do.  Nathan gave me a priesthood blessing that I think back to whenever my thoughts run wild like they are today.  My Heavenly Father is very aware of me and of our little girl.  He knows the right time for her to come into this world and she will come when it is right for her.  I have had the strength to do all that is asked of me and more.  Considering that I am 9 months pregnant, I am feeling wonderful physically and have a great attitude about lugging my belly around with me.  I really have loved being pregnant and will so miss our little lady's movements inside me when she is out.  I'm trying to savor this time when she is a part of me and make sure to soak up every bit of happiness it brings me.  And along with that, I find comfort in knowing that whenever she decides to come, everything else will work out just fine because Heavenly Father is in charge and he has a plan for my life. 

Signing off for now-hopefully the next time I write I'm either finished with school or I have a bundle of healthy fussiness and joy in my arms.  Preferably BOTH!