Brigham Roger is 1

I needed to acknowledge that this boy is one!  I can't believe that it has been one year since I've done the hardest thing I've ever done.  I've never been so scared, or happy, or miserable, or joyous, and I've never felt as much love as I did when he was finally placed on my chest.

He has brought such joy to our lives these past 12 months.  I'll have to write more after we move and get settled.  It's a good thing he is 1 and has no idea that it's his birthday because with moving in 3 days, we are having some cupcakes with candles in them and giving him a book.  Eden gave him a little truck, but we're saving our real present for after we move.  There is no way I'm moving another thing that can easily wait until after our move.  So we'll have a party with our family in a few weeks when we're all settled.

At that point, I'll do a cute photo session and I'll document Brigham's highlights from this year.  But until then, I just need to document how much I love him.  His coming stretched me in every way possible; from letting me know he was ready to come to our family far before I was prepared, to having heart problems during pregnancy and after, to coming so fast I delivered naturally without being prepared for that.  It is his life that has taught me to really trust my Heavenly Father.  I told a friend the other day (she just found out that her son has a few health concerns) that we are so blessed to have boys with small problems and big hearts.

While Brig's little heart has a tiny irregularity, it is so much better than mine in so many ways.  I love my boy.

a break to talk about an amazing woman

Well, I'm about as tired of packing as one can possibly be, and writing seems to be therapeutic for me, so while I should be working like crazy...here I am to document one of the greatest women alive. This is my grandma.  One of two amazing, incredible, loving, nurturing grandmothers. 

I'm so glad I snapped this shot of her at our annual family Easter Egg Hunt.  I don't have many pictures of my grandmas in recent years and that HAS to change.  They have shaped me so fully into the person I am.

While Grandma probably won't like the look on her face in the photo, it captures so many of things I love about her.

 First, during the Easter Egg Hunt, my grandpa was really sick in the hospital.  Grandma didn't leave his side except for this family event.  She and grandpa have always showed me that family comes first.  Always.  That family is extremely important.  That it's worth sacrificing for.  That family means putting aside differences and giving everything you have in love.  They taught me that family will always be there for you.  Once you are a part of the Williams' family, you can never get away.  It truly is the more the merrier as we all bring our in-laws, our friends, our evil next door neighbors, and while they are with us, they are family; and they'll probably be invited to the next family gathering even if their connection person isn't coming.  My testimony of eternal families and everyone being my brothers and sisters came easily because of the example taught by this woman.

Also, she doesn't go anywhere without that trusty camera. Notice it hanging around her neck so that she can whip it out at a moments notice and then print all of the pictures off with multiple copies.  She needs multiple copies because she sends the picture to ANYONE who is in the shot.  She really documents and records our family history with that camera.

She and my grandpa have served 3 missions together.  That was a huge sacrifice for her (I've already explained how important her family is to her).  And yet, 3 times she left us all so that she could serve her Savior and her Father.  She plays the organ in the temple and spends hours and hours there every week.  She is at all of our sports games, choir concerts, weddings, baptisms, birthdays, ect.  And that's quite a lot when she has almost 40 grandchildren all living within 20 minutes of her.

This woman is always up for an adventure.  She still does aerobics faithfully, loves camping, tells doctors that she can beat any odds, and is the most loving, patient and kind grandmother and great-grandmother anyone could ask for. 

I could go on and on, but someone has to pack those toys...

 

We Bought a Home

Well, we did it.  Thursday afternoon we closed on our first house.  And it felt amazing.  Our loan officer (Nathan's awesome aunt...ask me if you need a loan officer, she was INCREDIBLE to work with and really knows her stuff) asked us if it was hard handing over the check.  And I responded even suprising myself that it wasn't hard at all.  We have worked SO hard to have that money to put toward a house.  And when I love a house as much as I love this one, it felt perfect to hand over the money that was designed to go there.

Because we bought a home that wasn't even on the market yet, there aren't any pictures up to show you.  I went through and took some, but I want to wait to really put up pictures until it's our stuff in there.  Most of the house is BEAUTIFULLY decorated and I don't want you to be let down after seeing her amazing style:)  But, I'll give you a little sneak peak of the kitchen.  Keep in mind that all of their blinds were closed and I was snapping fast so I wouldn't take up too much of their time.

 I'm going to paint the yellow wall behind the oven.  It is the only wall that isn't a tan-ish color and I'm not the hugest yellow fan, but pretty much, that's the only change I really need to make.  The pantry is right behind Nathan and Brigham there in the corner.  And we'll be using the computer center on the left of the picture as our microwave station right now.  (Our computer is our TV so it doesn't really make sense for us to have it in the kitchen right now.  I also want more counter space so I don't want my microwave taking up that whole corner of space. Ultimately I hope to put it above the stove.)

I'm standing in the kitchen for this shot.  Let's just take a moment to acknowledge that there is a dishwasher.  4 years of marriage, and 6 apartments later, and this will be the 2nd one we've ever owned.  Oh, to simply rinse the dishes and stick them in a box to run later in the day. 

Also, there is no carpet in the kitchen and bathroom.  BLISS!  It's the small things in life.  My mom gave us advice when we were married to pick the dinkiest apartment we could because we would love to always move up.  And that advice is really coming to fruition.  Going from our apartment now to this home is NIGHT and DAY. 

Most kitchens these days have more counter space.  But, if you could see what I have now, you would be in AWE of this one.  I have as much working space as there is underneath that microwave.  So I'm thrilled beyond measure to have a whole bar of space.  Also, I have a pantry!  One that I don't have to walk through the whole apartment to get to.  (I'm currently using a closet that it by my master bedroom, through a doorway.   And anytime I need something, I have to go walking through the whole place to get it.) 

Anyway, we are thrilled to have our own space.

I told Nate that the first thing I'm going to do is run through the house, waving my arms in the air and screaming.  Because I can.  Because FINALLY I don't have to worry about my kids bothering neighbors.  Eden is almost 3.  And for 3 years, I have been paranoid that I'm bothering everyone around me. 

We feel so blessed.  So very blessed.

Laundry and Tears

I had a rare opportunity this morning.  7:00am.  Both kids asleep.  Dryer beeps and instead of putting it off like I so often do, I sat in the morning stillness folding tiny socks and endless amounts of toddler shirts.  I don't mind doing the part of laundry that involves shoving things in a machine, but I DREAD folding. Normally.  But not this morning. 

It's been years since I folded laundry without holding a child in one arm with another wrapped around my leg begging for my attention.  And suddenly, in the stillness, I realized how much I love doing the laundry.  Tears started to flow as I realized how blessed I am to have tiny poopy pants to wash.  I have dreamed my whole life of doing just this, taking care of a family.  And my laundry is a reminder that I have been given that blessing. 

I have two miracles that destroy every piece of clothing they wear each day.  Two little miracles that smear snotty noses on their shirts and color with marker, nail polish, and mascara on their pants, who wear bibs but somehow still manage to get peanut butter on their tummy.  I have a husband who comes home from frisbee each day and sorts his incredibly dirty clothes into the right hamper (most of the time).  And because of them, I have piles of laundry to do.

Tomorrow, I will once again have children hanging on me as I fold. But I hope that won't stop me from feeling overwhelmed with gratitude that I have so much laundry to do.  For the laundry that I fold is only an evidence of the people I love.

And...when they get old enough, I'll let THEM experience the blessing of folding laundry for the people they love.

Dear Newly Weds/Parents of Babies:

I know that FHE and family prayer can be tricky and easy to let slide right now.  I know that teaching a lesson while a baby is totally oblivious and/or crying because it's bedtime seems so pointless.  I know that sitting through church with a screaming baby is hard. I know that when it's just the two of you, and you spend every night together anyway, it might not seem like a big deal to let a formal FHE slide by.  But I'm barely on the other side, and I promise you, it is worth it.

One week, your two year old will ask you every night if it's family night because she loves it so much.  She'll beg you for the stick you let her lead the music with.  When FHE comes she'll sing the gathering song at the top of her lungs skipping around the room with a grin on her face because she knows it's "Game Night!". 

She'll stand up on a box while she leads the opening song with her stick.  She'll have 8 bows in her hair because she insisted that she needed to look beautiful.  Her clothes won't match because she picked them out herself.  She'll feel so proud because she knows enough primary songs to choose which one to sing by herself.  She'll have ownership of part of family night and she'll feel needed.  The next day, when the baby falls down and starts crying, you will hear her telling him that it's okay because Jesus can make him feel better; and you'll realize that she got it.  Your 45 second lesson stuck.  You'll probably cry.

She'll sing her primary songs with her eyebrows furrowed because she is concentrating so much.  She'll request to sing "Follow the Prophet" and "I am a Child of God" over "The Wheels on the Bus" (sometimes).  She'll clap her little hands and jump up and down when you tell her it's church day. 

And you'll start to realize that she knows all of this because you stuck it out.  You formed a habit.  Instead of starting at the beginning with a toddler who wants to be running and playing, you began with the two of you.  You strengthened your home. That baby may not understand you now, but they do understand love; and they can feel that love when you gather together. 

I know I'm not out of the clear, I've still got a child asking if it's time to play games in the middle of the 45 second lesson.  I've still got a baby that's totally oblivious.  I still spend 90% of my church time in the hall.  But I'm at the point that I can see the results.  Tiny things that stick.  And I'm telling you from this side: it is worth it.

Elijah Moment: Stories from our Past

I had to record something that we've added to our weekly family home evenings that has been a blessing to our family.  Nate and I were watching a training for his work which talked about how important it is to tie the hearts of the children to their fathers.  There are many promises in the scriptures that accompany this commandment and I've been feeling for months that I need to find a way to help my children learn about their fathers.

The problem has always been that I'm barely getting the basics done.  If I tried to add something grand to my schedule I would feel like I failed if I messed up.  I needed something that I could really do, and keep up long term.  Enter, the Elijah Moment.

Nate and I switch off doing an Elijah Moment during our Monday night FHE.  Whoever isn't teaching the lesson is in charge of this segment.  It is simply to tell a story of our ancestors to our children.  It can be something as small and recent as talking about how Nate and I met, or when we decided to have each of the children, or something from grandparent's lives, or farther back.  Basically, it's a really low key way to ensure that the legacy of faith is testified of in our home.

If I have time to research a great story, I do that.  If I don't, I tell a memory that I have off the top of my head.  (As the children get older they will have opportunities to be in charge of the moment as well.)  What we began last week is something that I think I want to have stick.  I told the story of how Nathan and I met.  I testified that our family began because we were serving other people.  (Nate and I met when we were both volunteering for an organization on campus.)  And I then challenged us to think of a service project we could do that week in order to carry on the legacy.

We ended up planning on taking all of the neighbor's garbages to the curb for them on garbage day.  So the night before, we would knock on their doors and tell them that our family was learning about service and could we please take their garbage out for them.

I feel good knowing that while right now, I might not be able to do huge family history things,  I can begin to knit the hearts of my children to their fathers.

So join us!  Have an Elijah Moment.  Tell stories from your past.

Being Present

Sometimes there is so much going on, so many things for me to pay attention to, that I can't focus on anything and suddenly, nothing gets done and no one got the attention they needed from me.  This week has been a little hectic to say the least.  We're considering a home, I had 4 sisters to visit teach (that's what I get for procrastinating until the last week of the month), a pack meeting to plan and attend,  a few trainings to do, home visits for our primary kids, fitting in seeing the home and meeting with agents and lenders, Nathan is coaching ultimate frisbee, so he's had two games and practices on the days they haven't had games, both kids are sick (temps of about 100 and wanting to be held all day), paperwork to complete, people to call, and errands to run in order to get the necessary documentation completed.  We've been a little stressed. 

Today I looked at those sweet babies of mine with their hot, sweaty hair pressed against my once cleaned shirt, snot and tears drenching my shoulders, needing so badly to be loved; and I realized that while my arms were around them, my mind was so far away and my blood pressure was rising thinking of everything I should be doing.  Now, this week, there is a lot to do, and all of it is important, I can't spend all of my time being present with my children.  But I could spend some time totally present, couldn't I?  I could turn off my brain and know that right now is mommy time, and everything else can wait.

I heard this quote on a powerofmoms.com podcast.  "Being present means that my mind and heart are where my feet are."  I'm sure working on that.  Working on having specific moments during the day when I'm not only playing with my children, I'm THINKING about playing with them, drinking in the moment, capturing a picture with my heart, really being with them: being present.